EconoMICS poWER

Economics (Funny Text):
TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS,You have two cows.You sell one and buy a bull.Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.You retire on the income.
INDIAN ECONOMICSYou have two cows.You worship them.

PAKISTAN ECONOMICSYou don't have any cows.You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, Britain for warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, France for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment. You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICSYou have two cows.You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.You profess surprise when the cow drops dead. You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind. You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICSYou have two cows.You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICSYou have two cows. You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICSYou have two cows.They are both mad.

ITALIAN ECONOMICSYou have two cows.You don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICSYou have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICSYou have two cows.You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of
an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICSYou have two cows.You count them and learn you have five cows.You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

CHINESE ECONOMICSYou have two cows.You have 300 people milking them.You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

SRI LANKAN ECONOMICSYou have a cow and a bull, you let the cow be president and the bull be prime minister and let them blame each other for the state the country is in.

BY POOJA CHANNA

A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil.

As he passed sulphurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.

"That's unfair!" he cried. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

"Shut up", barked the devil, jabbing the man with his pitchfork.

"Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

The Lawyer's Funeral

A man reluctantly attends his laywer's funeral expecting to be one of the one people there, and is suprised to see a huge turnout for this one terrible man. He turns to the people around him.

"Why are you all at this lawyer's funeral?" he asks.

A man turns towards him and says, "We''re all clients."

"And you ALL came to pay your respects?"

"No, we came to make sure he was really dead

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly ... and for the same reason.

A woman finds a genie's lamp. The Genie comes out and says, "You may have three wishes, but your husband will get ten times more than what you wished for."

The woman agrees. Her first wish was that she would be the most beautiful woman in the world. "You realize," the Genie said, "that your husband will be ten times more beautiful than you, and more women will gawk at him?"

"That's okay," says the woman, "He'll only look at me because I will be the most beautiful women." So the wish is granted.

Her second wish was that she would be the richest woman in the world. "You know your husband will ten times richer, right?" the Genie asks.

"That's okay. What's mine is his and what's his is mine," replied the woman. So the wish was granted.

The woman then thinks long and hard about her last wish. She finally wishes that she had a mild heart attack.

diff’S nJOY!!!

THE smarT SOn. N the SMARTER MOM

Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Ben's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Ben said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read:

"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Allison, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

Interviewer: what is your birth date?

Sardar: 13th October

Which year?

Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR

Manager asked to sardar at an interview

Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?

Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,

Do I look like a foreigner?

Wife: No! Why?

Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???

Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi

So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.

Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly sardar said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.

When sarda r was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror. Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.

Sardar went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Sardar pointed towards the board "WASH BASIN"

Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?

Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

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A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!"

Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes.

The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you." The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!!"

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A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!"

Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes.

The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you." The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!!"

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he he hE

Sardarji Kidnapping a Child

A Sardar Ji was Living hand to Mouth.
In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

Sardarji then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid.
Tomorrow morning, put Rs.2,00,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the mango tree on the north side of the city playground".

Signed: "A Sardarji".

Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was kept beneath the mango tree. The boy was sitting next to the bag. Sardarji opened up the bag and found the Rs.2,00,000 in cash with a note saying:

"How can a sardarji do this to a fellow Sardarji? Take the money, and Please leave my son."
Signed: Another Sardarji.

IT Roles in Heaven : *Brahma* Systems Installation *Vishnu * Systems Administration & Support *Lakshmi * Finance and Accounts consultant *Saraswati* &nb sp; Training and Knowledge Management *Shiva* DBA (Crash Specialist) *Ganesh * Quality Assuarance & Documentation *Narada* Data transfer *Yama* Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant *Chitragupta* IDP & Personal Records *Apsaras* Downloadable Viruses *Devas* Mainframe Programmers *Surya* Solaris Administrator *Rakshasas * In house Hackers *Ravan * Internet Explorer WWWF *Kumbhakarnan* Zombie Process * Lakshman* Support Software and Backup *Hanuman * Linux/s390 * Vaali* MS Windows *Sugreeva* DOS *Jatayu* Firewall *Dronacharya* System Programmer *Vishwamitra * Sr. Manager Projects *Shakuni* Annual appraisal & Promotion *Valmiki * Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document) *Dharmaraj Yudhishthira* ISO Consultant (CMM level 5) *Arjun * Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him) *Abhimanyu* Trainee Programmer *Draupadi * Motivation & Team building * Bhima* MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM *Duryodhana * Microsoft product Written in VB *Karna* Contract programmer *Dhrutarashtra* Visual C++ *Gandhari* Dreamweaver *100 Kaur avas * Microsoft Service Packs and patches

What is confidence ????A hypothetical situation where 20 executives board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies: "If it is the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off."That is called Confidence!!!

State...Must Read Laws... Newton Forgot to State... LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now. LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one. LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire. BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings. LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will! LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last. LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


SANTAFour guys, one each from Harvard, Yale, MIT university and SANTA SINGH fromPunjab University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job. One commonquestion was asked to all 4 of them. INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD? YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; b'cos thought is so fast it comes instantlyin your mind. MIT guy: Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked SANTA SINGH: Its Loose motion INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply, asked) "WHY"? SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got theworst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THELIGHTS, it was over!!!! bolo tarara.....

jokeS

Roles in Heaven : *
*Brahma* Systems Installation
*Vishnu * Systems Administration & Support
*Lakshmi * Finance and Accounts consultant
*Saraswati* &nb sp; Training and Knowledge Management
*Shiva* DBA (Crash Specialist)
*Ganesh * Quality Assuarance & Documentation
*Narada* Data transfer
*Yama* Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant
*Chitragupta* IDP & Personal Records
*Apsaras* Downloadable Viruses
*Devas* Mainframe Programmers
*Surya* Solaris Administrator
*Rakshasas * In house Hackers
*Ravan * Internet Explorer WWWF *Kumbhakarnan* Zombie Process
* Lakshman* Support Software and Backup
*Hanuman * Linux/s390
* Vaali* MS Windows
*Sugreeva* DOS
*Jatayu* Firewall
*Dronacharya* System Programmer
*Vishwamitra * Sr. Manager Projects
*Shakuni* Annual appraisal & Promotion
*Valmiki * Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)
*Dharmaraj Yudhishthira* ISO Consultant (CMM level 5)
*Arjun * Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)
*Abhimanyu* Trainee Programmer
*Draupadi * Motivation & Team building
* Bhima* MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM
*Duryodhana * Microsoft product Written in VB
*Karna* Contract programmer
*Dhrutarashtra* Visual C++
*Gandhari* Dreamweaver
*100 Kaur avas * Microsoft Service Packs and patches

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
MBA Vs BCom Student
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a
\n Indian......\n \n A MBA and a BCom go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and \n fall asleep. Some hours later, the BCom student wakes up his MBA friend. " look up at the sky above and tell me what you see." The MBA replies, "I see a million stars." \n "What does that tell you?" The MBA ponders for a minute. \n\n "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.\n Theologically, it\'s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.",1]
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competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian...... A MBA and a BCom go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and fall asleep. Some hours later, the BCom student wakes up his MBA friend. " look up at the sky above and tell me what you see." The MBA replies, "I see a million stars." "What does that tell you?" The MBA ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
" What does it tell you?" \n The BCom student is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Practically........Someone has stolen our tent".\n \n \n\nWith best regards,\n\n \nDeepak J Bhaskari (\n디퍽 \n바스커리),Rotating Eqpt Engr - Mechanical Engineering Team,------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\nG S Engineering & Construction Co.18th Floor, Yonsei Building,\nOpposite Seoul Railway Station,\nNamdaemun-Ro 5-Ga, Joong-Gu,",1]
);
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" What does it tell you?" The BCom student is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Practically........Someone has stolen our tent".
On airport hindu, Muslim & Sardar waiting for the son. Hindu:Mera Amirzada aa Raha hai... Muslim : Mera Nawabzada Aa Raha HAi Sardar: Mera Haramzada Aa Raha HAi

big jokeS. ? warning NOT Scanned

Three Construction workers are working on the 20th floor of a tall building in Bombay. One is a Mallu, the second is a Bengali and the third is a Sardarji.
Every day all the three meet in the lunch hall and have their lunch together One fine day -- the Mallu opened his lunch box and finds idlis in the box.
He says " I am fed up of eating these idlis daily. If I find idlis in the box tommorow, I will jump from the 20th floor and die".
Next the Bengali opens his lunch box and finds Fish in it and says " If I find fish in my lunch box tommorow, I am going to jump from the 20th floor of this building and die "
Next the Sardarji opens his lunch box and finds Parathas in it and says " Mother promise, if I find parathas in my box tommorow I am also going to jump from the 20th floor "
Next day the three friends meet in the lunch room for lunch. Mallu opens his lunch box and finds Idlis and promptly jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
The Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
Sardarji opens his box and finds parathas and he also jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
In the combined funeral held for all the three friends by their colleagues, the Mallu's widow says " I did not know he hated idlis so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch "
The Bengali's widow says " I did not know he hated fish so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch"
The sardarji's widow says " I do not understand what went wrong. My husband always prepared his own lunch....!!!

One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money. Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation... The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I couldn't help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I'll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I'll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each." Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride. The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, "Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn't make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff." Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!" For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven."You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces."You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head." An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother." This man, his wife and their Border Collie, Maisy were out for a drive in the country one afternoon in their new convertible, with the top down. The husband and wife were enjoying the scenery as they drove along. While unbeknownst to them, Maisy gave birth to seven puppies while laying on the back seat of the automobile. The couple continued to drive along, unaware of the new arrivals. Soon the road began to deteriorate and was beginning to become quite rough. Suddenly, the car ran over a deep pothole in the road, and one of Maisy's puppies bounced up and out of the car, landing on the roadway just in front of a police car that had been following the man and his wife. The police officer switched on his lights and siren, and soon had the couple pulled over to the side of the road. What are you pulling me over for? Queried the startled driver. The officer responded, "I pulled you over for creating a "Road Hazard, for other drivers!" What hazard? Asked the man. "A puppy bounced out of your car and put myself, and several other drivers at risk, trying to avoid hitting it." Now your Drivers License and Proof of Insurance please. Thank you Sir... And the 'Bitches' name, Sir. Hey! How dare you call my wife a bitch! Sir, I was referring to the dog! Oh... Her name is Maisy. What do you want her name for, officer? Well Sir, after I write your ticket for "Endangering Vehicular Traffic", I am going to cite your dog, Maisy, for Littering! After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!" At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,"No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again." A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump."What can I do for y'all?" asks the attendant. "Fill `er up with high test," replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down. "What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before." "Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my boy is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille.""What all's it got in it?" asks the attendant. "Well," says the driver, "it has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, a 8.8 liter V12 engine.""Wow," says the attendant, "that's really something!" "How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver. "That'll be $30.17," says the attendant.The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees. "What are those little wooden things?" asks the attendant. "That's what I put my balls on when I drive," says the driver. "Wow," says the attendant, "those Cadillac people think of everything!" Mr. Smith wanted to become a teacher in the worst way, but the only job he could find was as an instructor at an all female college teaching sex education. His wife was a very jealous woman so Mr. Smith decided he would tell his wife that he would be teaching sailing at this college so that she would not get angry. He was very happy and for months all was well. As fate would have it, one day in the grocery store check out lane, Mrs. Smith overheard a group of girls standing in line behind her talking about college and their instructor Mr. Smith. The girls went on and on about how great this Mr. Smith was at teaching their class. The cashier handed Mrs. Smith her change and said, "Have a great day Mrs. Smith, and thank you, again." One of the girls in line heard the cashier, and asked Mrs. Smith if she was related to the Mr. Smith that was teaching at the college. Mrs. Smith replied, "Yes, he is my husband." Well that set off a torrent of accolades about how knowledgeable Mr. Smith was about the subject matter he was teaching, about how he got the whole class to discuss their fears about learning the subject. Well Mrs. Smith was taken back by what she heard from these girls and replied, "I don't know how you find him to be so gifted at teaching you this course. You know he only tried it twice in his life. The first time he tried it, he got sick, and the second time, his hat blew off and he just quit." A pompous self made grocer named Bates gets his son into an expensive private school. On day One the whole family is there to see the little blighter begin his first day at school. The grocer, his family in tow, saunters into the principal's office and introduces himself thus: "I am Sir Shortweight Bates. This is my wife, Lady Bates, my daughter Miss Bates and my son Master Bates." "Oh does he?" asks the bemused principal, "we will soon get him out of that terrible habit." A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?""Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?""OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?""Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea.""Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

jokeS

Republican Lightbulb Replacement Policy


How many republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to change the bulb, one to call the media to publicize it, and one to blame the electric bill on the democrats.