A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil.

As he passed sulphurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.

"That's unfair!" he cried. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

"Shut up", barked the devil, jabbing the man with his pitchfork.

"Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

The Lawyer's Funeral

A man reluctantly attends his laywer's funeral expecting to be one of the one people there, and is suprised to see a huge turnout for this one terrible man. He turns to the people around him.

"Why are you all at this lawyer's funeral?" he asks.

A man turns towards him and says, "We''re all clients."

"And you ALL came to pay your respects?"

"No, we came to make sure he was really dead

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly ... and for the same reason.